Keeping sex alive in relationships can be challenging, making it easy to end up at the bottom of the list or worse, drop off altogether. This is usually the case if there’s too much else going on between children, work, self-care, running a home, extended family and friends. It doesn’t have to be this way. In fact, making time and putting in the effort required to keep sex alive often helps with everything else, and, with a genuine pep in your step too!
Why is it important to keep sex alive in long term relationships? Science is starting to show the benefits of a healthy, satisfying sex life in long term relationships and the need to make it a priority in relationships. I see this reflected in my clients who make time for quality intimate connections. They report back feeling happier, less stressed, sleep better, are more intimately connected, parent well together and they want more sex. Yep, making time for intimate connection, however that looks, leads to… you guessed it… more sex!
Here are 5 Ways To Keep Sex Alive In Relationships:
1. Manage Our Individual Stress Levels – Stress keeps our bodies wanting anything but sex. It is actually designed to switch off reproduction (including libidos) when exposed to long term stress. We are living in incredible stressful times for our bodies. For some people sex is a great stress reliever, but in general, when our body is stressed with little left in the reserve tank sex will be the last thing you want.
2. Warm Sex – Remove the pressure of achieving the goal of orgasm or ejaculation and enjoy the arousal in your body. This can be more satisfying than a quickie and leave you feeling energised, it can also lead to more intense orgasms or ejaculation. The bigger the build-up, the better the outcome.
3. Talk About Sex – What do you enjoy or don’t enjoy? It’s incredibly common for two people to do “sexy things” to each other, thinking they are giving, yet, neither one is actually getting what they want. The way through this is with open communication and not being offended if your partner suddenly tells you they don’t like this “thing” you’ve been doing to them for years. Enduring unsatisfying sex leads to a loss of interest resulting in no sex.
The reality is we all change, it’s a given, and we need to feel safe to be honest about sex when our likes, dislikes, desires and drive change. Then as a couple, you can work together on creating or experiencing something new.
4. Date Each Other – Build connection outside of genital connection. This builds wonderful intimacy on the emotional and mental levels so when you finally get to having sex you’re already turned on. It’s hot knowing your partner is thinking about you enough to organise dates and shows up for you both. Sharing the load of building connection removes resentment from starting.
5. Book In Time For Sex – That’s right, book it in! It might sound unsexy because we constantly hear messages about sex being spontaneous. When we book it in, you have something to look forward to and know to keep some energy to show up in an open, sexy space for your beloved.
In an ever-changing world with ever-changing body’s, it can require effort to keep sex alive in relationships. I’m happy to share, a little bit of planning can go a long way and the benefits of feeling connected, sleeping better, stressing less, parenting well together and being happy are well worth the effort.