With so many wonderful nerve endings in the anus, anal play can be pleasurable for everyone regardless of gender or sexual orientation. Learning how to get started with anal play is easy, the 10 great tips below will help you get started on your anal play journey.
1. Go slow – whether you’re exploring your own anus or another's, start out slowly. Massage the butt cheeks, thighs, hips and anywhere else that will support the receiver to drop into their body. When moving to the anus, start externally giving the body a chance to relax and the receiver time to tune into the sensations occurring in their body. There is no reason for pain, if something hurts, back off or stop immediately.
2. Breathe deeply – the anus has two sphincters, the external one is controlled by the Central Nervous System whilst the Autonomic Nervous System controls the internal sphincter. What does that mean? Firstly, it’s the very reason anal play is deeply relaxing. Secondly, using deep, slow breathes and visualising the anus relaxing will help the sphincters relax and become receptive, especially to penetration.
3. Build trust through communication outside of the bedroom first – it may seem unsexy to plan anal play, however, talking about it with your partner before getting started makes the experience smoother for you both. As the giver, check in with your partner before increasing intensity or going internal. If you’re the receiver, offer feedback on what you’re enjoying and speak up when you’re not. The whole point is about pleasure and lots of it, as I said in my first tip, it’s never meant to be painful.
4. Keep it clean – eating well and good hydration will help keep the bowels regular. Wash well with soap and water before play. If you’re really concerned, try an enema 4 hours earlier, this allows for all the water to come out. Latex or nitrile gloves are also an option as are condoms for anal sex or toys.
5. Keep it short! - Clean, short fingernails are essential! Don’t think I need to say anything else on this one.
6. Loads of lube – unlike the vagina, the anus does not have glands to produce lubrication, so find a good one and use lots of it. Lube comes in a variety of silicone, water-based and various oils like jojoba, it doesn’t dry out easily like coconut and almond oil. Alternatively, sex shops have lubricants specially designed not dry out, they’re much better for anal play. I suggest steering clear of the numerous numbing gels on the market. The whole point is to feel the pleasure and if the anus is numbed out it’s less likely to be enjoyable and makes it harder to stay in the “feels great” zone. Remember – no pain!
7. Start with yourself – if anal play is new to you then start with yourself. Grab some lube (because it makes everything feel sooooo good) and a mirror. Look at your anus with all of its ridges, contours and colours, feel around the edges with your lubricated finger. Tune into how it feels to be touched there, what sensations feel nice?
8. Work your way inwards – start exploring by massaging the anus externally or rimming (a tongue around the anus). Wait for the anus to relax and get hungry. I remember one of my teachers, Chester Maynard, the Butt King, saying “you really want the butt to be so hungry before putting anything in it”. Don’t rush towards entering the butt, savour the delicious sensations from external play until the butt says “enter me”. And that my friend, may be where it ends. There is much pleasure to be enjoyed externally without being entered.
9. Never let go – because the anus doesn’t end, as in, it goes all the way through to the mouth, unlike the vagina which is capped by the cervix. Anything for internal use needs a flared base or a rope attached you can hold onto. This way you will be sure to avoid the emergency department. We’ve all heard the stories. 😉
10. Relax & have fun – you’re exploring another wonderful part of your body, make it something you can relax into. Stay curious, communicate well and let yourself enjoy it by following the pleasure.
If you’re curious about why anal play is so taboo and ways to change it, check out this article that’s all about it. Enjoy exploring your body and finding new ways to bring pleasure to yourself!